


Every Breath You Take (The Police Remix)

by elementalv



Category: due South
Genre: Character Study, M/M, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-16
Updated: 2012-04-16
Packaged: 2017-11-03 18:04:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/384302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elementalv/pseuds/elementalv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benton watches.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Breath You Take (The Police Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [etben](https://archiveofourown.org/users/etben/gifts).
  * Inspired by [looking](https://archiveofourown.org/works/32825) by [etben](https://archiveofourown.org/users/etben/pseuds/etben). 



Benton watches.

When he was three, he watched the steady accumulation of snow during the dim winter months. The following spring, he was fascinated by the slow melt of ice and how the dripping water formed rills in the newly freed dirt. Inside, he watched his mother as she cleaned the cabin — slow and dreamy when it was just the two of them, rapid and intense when his father appeared. When his family went to town, he watched other children play together, and he watched his father’s lips tighten —

_— over the fact that the other children won’t play with him, Caroline._

_Children are like that sometimes._

_Benton should be their leader, not their outcast._

_Stop! It’s bad enough he’s excluded from playtime. He doesn’t need to hear you trying to do the same —_

at Benton’s exclusion from that particular society.

He watched as much as he could, which wasn’t nearly often enough, because his mother invariably brought him back into her world. She patiently taught him to interact with her and with others, and she told him repeatedly that watching wasn’t enough, that he also had to _do_ and _practice_ if he wanted to learn something. With her encouragement, he made stumbling attempts to play with children rather than simply watching, and for a time, it seemed to work.

But then she died, and neither his father nor his grandparents understood that left to his own devices, Benton inevitably fell to watching instead of participating. He tried, at first, to explain and request the help his mother had given him, but he didn’t have the right words to break through the grief and anxiety of what was left of his family, and so Benton slipped back into his old and comfortable habit of watching.

~*~*~

Benton watches.

When he was a few years older, his grandparents finally noticed that Benton wasn’t engaging, that —

_— something’s wrong with that boy, Martha._

_Keep your voice down, George. You know perfectly well he’s got ears like a bat._

_Doesn’t change the fact there’s something not right. A man can’t survive alone up here, and the way he’s going, he won’t have anyone to watch his back._

_Hush. You’re not saying anything I don’t already know. Ginny Twofeathers tells me there’s a guide group of some sort forming. I’ll talk to her about Benton. I’m sure it will be just what —_

— he needed to be brought back into the world.

Grandmother Fraser took a different approach, but her efforts were about as successful as Benton’s mother when it came right down to it. Instead of watching, she had him read, telling him that at least with a book, he would know what the author was thinking instead of trying to guess based on behavior alone. She also signed him up for every group that started in Tuktoyaktuk, surmising that at that point, a greater quantity of chances to interact was preferable to the quality of those actions.

In the groups he was made to join, Benton learned how to track and how to camp, how to dress caribou and how to clean fish. In the winter months, he also learned how to sew neatly enough to make a quilt and how to make snowshoes. If his education was unorthodox, it at least did what his grandmother intended, which was to teach him how to be part of the world instead of outside it.

~*~*~

Benton watches.

At Depot, he was praised for his observational skills, and for the first time in his life, he didn’t have to hide what he was —

_— doing at the time?_

_Just watching, sir, as part of a training drill._

_He didn’t engage with the suspect or —_

_No sir. He just watched. It was rather remarkable according to his supervisor. Apparently, based on visual observation alone, he was able to ascertain that the suspect had been —_

— doing or attempt to feign interest in another activity.

Depot wasn’t particularly easy at first, not when it came to interacting with his peers, but his grandmother had taught him well. When it came time to start interacting with those who saw a Mountie as a figure of authority, as one who could help, Benton at last found a way he could be in the world.

He thought his mother would be happy.

~*~*~

Benton watches.

When he was 22 years old, he found himself watching a young man who was —

_— looking for company?_

_I beg your pardon?_

_You can beg me for anything you want, and you’ll probably get it, Blue Eyes._

_I don’t — I’m not —_

— interested in company for the evening. Benton might have taken him up on the offer to watch in a more intimate setting had the young man not quoted a price to do so. It was unfortunate, because Benton would have liked to watch; instead, their evening ended at the police station.

The young man, who was eventually identified as Joseph Mulgrew, spent much of the night expressing his disdain for Benton, using language that Grandmother Fraser would have called uncouth. Benton, however, was inclined to be somewhat more forgiving. Before Joseph made his request for money, he’d actually taught Benton a great deal, and for that Benton would always think of him fondly.

~*~*~

Benton watches.

In Chicago, Benton found himself reverting to form almost immediately, though honestly, the most sensible activity he had in such new circumstances was —

_— watching me all the time. It’s creepy. Stop it._

_I apologize, Ray. I never intended to make you uncomfortable. I shall, of course, stop it._

_For cryin’ out loud — don’t go — just. You know. Stop watching me all the time._

_Again, I apologize. I never intended —_

— to observe to learn as quickly as possible. His first weeks with Ray Vecchio were alternately confusing and enlightening.

Ray was aggressive in ways that Benton never quite expected, yet he also exhibited a kindness that was deeply reminiscent of the people he grew up with in Tuktoyaktuk. Unlike his childhood mentors, though, Ray was never told about Benton’s habit of watching instead of interacting, was never asked to make sure that Benton participated. For the first week after his exile — his _return_ — to Chicago, Benton seriously considered the possibility of spending what time he could watching Ray. But then Ray proved he was as observant as Benton’s mother and grandparents, because it wasn’t very long before he was bringing Benton into his world. From there, it wasn’t such a very big step for Benton to pick up hard-won habits again and to be the son and grandson he wished to be.

Still, he never quite lost his habit of watching Ray, and he wondered if perhaps Ray’s acceptance of his posting to Las Vegas was driven, at least in part, by Benton’s inability to stop watching him.

~*~*~

Benton watches.

He watches Ray with an intensity that frightens him at times, though not as much as it has frightened Ray times, who still doesn’t see that —

_— I like to watch you, Ray. I like to see you, I like to look at you and know that you're here with me. May I do that?_

_Yes, yes, fuck, god, yes, god, Fraser ... Yeah, Frase. Watch this._

_Ray, oh, Ray, please, yes, stay —_

— with him, Benton finally understands what his mother and grandmother tried to teach him all those years ago.

Benton watches Ray, because he believes that Ray is his reward for being in the world instead of standing outside it. Ray is warmth and light and aggravation. He keeps Benton in the world simply by existing there instead of where Benton normally might stand. Benton also watches Ray, because a very small part of him worries that if he doesn’t watch Ray, if he doesn’t maintain his constant vigilance, Ray might prove to be little more than a delusion brought on by being alone for far too long.

It’s an absurd thought, and Benton recognizes it as such most of the time. But when it’s midnight, and he’s awake with little to do but watch Ray as he sleeps, it’s difficult for Benton not to worry. So he sits, and he watches, and he waits for Ray to wake up the way he always does when Benton watches.

And when Ray wakes up, he’ll be alive and warm and welcoming, and Benton will once again be reminded that he’s truly in the world now.

 


End file.
